5 Action Sports Skills that may Save Your Life During a Halloween Massacre
The spooky, American tradition of Halloween is really picking up in the Caribbean. And by picking up, I mean that promoters are cashing in with themed fetes for adults to dress up in the cheapest, homemade costumes available.
Honestly, Halloween in the Caribbean needs some work. We don’t trick or treat, we don’t put up scary decorations and we don’t tell horror stories…unless you count the time you saw your last electric bill.
Actually, I bet none of you even care that this article is running after Halloween is over. Admit it, you know you don’t care. But all of this serial slasher, haunted house business has got me thinking. Suppose these horror scenarios were real. What would your first response be if Samara from The Ring came out of your TV or if Jacob from Twilight asked to borrow your shirt?
If he actually wears it is another discussion.
Hesitate for a second and you could get killed or imprinted (or some crap like that). For this night of terror, Adrenaline Sun is preparing by giving you the best action sports recommendations to keep you from making any cliche horror movie mistakes.
Because you never know when the guy in the Superman t-shirt will decide to go on a scythe-wielding murder-fest. Who knows… maybe at the next Halloween party.
Horror Movie Cliche #1
Falling down while the killer is in pursuit
As seen in
The Blair Witch Project, Friday the 13th, Rest Stop, Jeepers Creepers, and Halloween H20.
If it isn’t annoying enough that your antagonist is keeping pace with you while you’re long striding a full-sprint and he’s casually shambling along. But you have to trip over every rock, twig or blade of grass. Falling down regularly means that you need to work on your balance or you have an inner ear infection….we’re going with the balance part for the sake of this article.
Adrenaline Sun Recommends – Learn to Surf
Surfing is all about balance. It’s skillfully harnessing an unforgiving wall of water that aggressively propels you towards the shoreline. The fact that you’re technically standing on water is pretty amazing in its self. If you master the art of catching waves, the chances of falling down as you run across an uneven patch of dirt would be greatly reduced.
And your chances of looking as cool as Josh Burke would radically improve!
Horror Movie Cliche #2
Splitting Up
As Seen In
30 days of Night, The Decent, Alien Resurrection, The Evil Dead and every single episode of Scooby Doo.
Ok, you’re not exactly heavily armed, but you’ve got numbers on your side and together you can figure out how to beat th…”Hey guys, we should split up!” *Looks up to see the blonde, scarf-wearing metrosexual who just made the suggestion* … and everyone brainlessly agrees.
I can't believe that just happened!
Adrenaline Sun Recommends – Sailing = Teamwork
Unless you’re on a Laser, sailing is all about team work. Director of the Barbados Sailing Association, Renata Goodridge gave us a great real life example of teamwork at sea, “I was racing on board Ninja once, with Shane Atwell who skippered the boat, and I needed a hand up on the foredeck. Shane had seen my need for assistance, and he immediately skipped up onto the foredeck, gave me the hand I needed and was back in the cockpit before anyone else had reacted.”
This is one of many oceanic instances when sticking together proves essential to everyone’s well-being. Just like sailing the high seas, surviving numerous advances from a nutjob wearing a costume is dangerous stuff and it requires teamwork. You need to tell the jerk that if he wants some one-on-one time with Daphne, he should take her to dinner instead of trying to cop-a-feel in a Ghastly Ghost Town.
Horror Movie Cliche #3
Allowing the killer to sneak up behind you
He can be very discrete
As Seen In
Scream, My Bloody Valentine, Saw, Jason X and Deep Blue Sea.
While there may be some exceptions to the rule, any careless error committed during a madman’s slaughter spree is usually punished by a gory, (and sometimes ironic) demise. As seen in the seafaring thriller, Deep Blue Sea, Samuel L. Jackson gives us the remarkably clear example of although it’s necessary to keep hope alive, it’s a severe lack in judgement to give a motivational speech while standing in front of the tank containing a rogue, hyper-intelligent, monster shark.
Adrenaline Sun Recommends – The BMX Fakie
The BMX Fakie is the best way to get around this. Although the description is slightly different in both skateboarding and snowboarding, in general terms a “fakie” is riding backwards. In the BMX world the fakie is a combination of riding or landing backwards and in one motion, swiftly turning the bike so that it is facing forwards again.
Check out Pro BMX biker Kurtis Elwell in this cool How To Fakie video for Ridebmx.com.
This maneuver gives the rider a clear 360 degree view, while remaining in constant motion. It’s unfortunate that Samuel L. didn’t know how to BMX fakie because that kickass speech really lost it’s magic after he got eaten.
Horror Movie Cliche #4
Terrible Driving
As Seen In
I Know What You Did Last Summer, Children of the Corn, Vacancy and Wrong Turn
Despite high oil prices worldwide, having a car that actually works is great. Even if it’s not your dream car, it’s reliable, the engine works fine and you have the freedom of getting some friends and family together for an impromptu road trip. It’s a real shame when you speed onto a deserted highway and cause a car crash that could have been easily avoided or run over the only psychopathic pedestrian for miles. But don’t worry, the nice man with the fish hook looks like the type who forgives and forgets.
It's totally cool that you left me for dead, guys. It gave me a chance to reflect on life and stuff!
Adrenaline Sun Recommends – Rally Lessons
Since roads are closed for rally events, it mimics the isolated highway situation. It’s just the driver, the navigator… and a few thousand spectators.
The difference is that instead of joking around or arguing with each other, both the driver and navigator remain focused on the road ahead. Because of the intense speeds and technical cornering, experienced rally drivers must have quick reflexes and should be able to make key, split-second decisions. After some lessons behind the wheel of Trevor Manning’s Ford Escort WRC or Sean Gill’s Suzuki SX4 WRC, you should have no excuses for being unable to avoid the deformed freak with the chainsaw.
At least he should hear you coming and get out of the way!
Horror Movie Cliche #5
No Real Defence Mechanisms in Place
As Seen In
The Strangers, Wolf Creek, Cold Creek Manor and When a Stranger Calls
I’m not even going to sugarcoat this. You have to choose your battles. I totally understand that in some horror movie scenarios, standing your ground means an express pass to dead city via a Mortal Kombat Fatality. I also get that almost anyone who has to deal with a restless, supernatural force like in “Mirrors” or “Paranormal Activity”, is basically screwed. However, if you find yourself being tormented by three teenagers who are basically improvising and you have in your possession a shotgun and a crap load of ammo, you have all rights to make it out alive.
I literally have no idea what to do with this gun
Adrenaline Sun Recommends – Join Paintball
Let’s not confuse the sport of paintball with your average children’s water war. If done right, paintball can teach you patience, teamwork and leadership. It can heighten your reflexes, and develop tactical abilities such as how to outmaneuver your enemy and improve your aim. Actually many soldiers from the Barbados Army and Special Forces have enrolled as members of Xtreme Paintball Barbados because of the potential battlefield skills which can be acquired. Although losing a game of paintball does not equal losing your life as with the horror movie circumstances, it can assist you in formulating a counter attack, defence or escape when you’re facing very ordinary assailants.
All in a day's work!
Written by Jamal Hall – Action Sports Editor for Adrenaline Sun
