5 Unrealistic Hollywood upgrades for Your Rally Car
The new Transformers movie has taught me two things. One is that big budget films use explosions to divert from skimpy plot lines and; two, cool cars are even cooler when they transform into giant robots that blast the heck out of everything to save Earth.
It has got me thinking, suppose it was possible to create a rally car with the mega upgrades that are only seen in Hollywood and put it on the rally circuit. This must be a machine that’s so mean the other cars would be leaking their gas tanks when it appears.
With all the cool sci-fi concepts out there, it was hard to keep this list down to 5 but if there are any cars you believe I left out, mention them in the comments. So let’s get this Adrenaline Sun hot rod on the road.
5. The Jetson’s Car- (The Jetsons)
Features we want: It can fly and it folds into a suitcase
Decent towing capacity too.
Overview: Come on, I had to start out with this one. I mean think about it. The fact that this car can fold into an easy to carry attaché case will totally lower our freighting costs when we’re rallying around the world, saving us hundreds of dollars without switching insurance companies.
Why am I talking about saving money on a fantasy car, you ask? Why don’t I just install some kind of warp drive to get from one country to the next? That’s a good question… because warp drives are mainly found on intergalactic battleships registered under various Starfleet organizations… we’re dealing with mega-rally cars.
Potential Issues: Accidentally pressing the suitcase button when you’re reaching to turn on the wipers.
4. The Tumbler Batmobile- (Batman Begins & The Dark Knight)
Features we want: Fully armour-plated, launches a motorcycle and no one would risk carjacking it.
Would you risk stealing this?
Overview: We have a few things working for us here. Produced by Wayne Industries, the Tumbler is built like a tank, it handles great and can maintain high speeds around sharp bends. There’s also the comfort of knowing that a crash doesn’t mean the end of our rally because a motorcycle can be deployed to put us back into action. That means no time will be lost due to playing random games of Chicken with a maniac driving an 18-wheeler.
Potential Issues: A suit-wearing, old guy is the sole member of the rally crew.
3. The Mark 5- (Speed Racer)
Features we want: Really, really fast, excellent suspension and we can strike cool poses in front of it.
Like that!
Overview: The Mark 5 is a car that’s built for racing across perilous terrain against dangerous enemies and brothers with identity issues. It’s also blindingly fast. It’s so fast that the only guys who the studio would entrust to make a live action Speed Racer movie were Matrix directors Larry and Andy Wachowski.
Despite being constantly blackmailed by evil company owners to join their team, we’ll probably have many heart-warming family moments after every rally.
Potential Issues: Even with a 120 million dollar budget, we won’t be winning any box office races.
2. James Bond’s Aston Martin DB5- (Goldfinger, Goldeneye, Tomorrow Never Dies, Casino Royale)
Features we want: Radar tracking system, ejector seat, oil slick and a total babe magnet.
"Yes, Ladies... you know you want me."
Overview: Honestly, my favorite Bond car is the Lotus Esprit with submarine mode from “The Spy Who Loved Me”, but they’re not including an underwater stage in the World Rally Championships anytime soon. Just like another James (whose name we reserve to mention) the Aston Martin has 3 big essentials. We got the radar tracking system to monitor the progress of our opponents, the ejector seat to escape from trouble and oil slick to spin out opponents who are posing a challenge. While some of you may scowl at our decision, this is about winning championships.
Potential Issues: While it’s great for opponent espionage, it may only perform well for 3 quarters of the rally.
1. Doc Brown’s De Lorean- (Back to the Future)
Features we want: It’s a time machine…. Nuff said!!!
"I'm going back to invent Rally and then trademark that bastard."
Overview: Having a fantasy car that can quantum leap opens new doors to compete through generations of rally. We can jump from 2011 Sol Rally Barbados to the 1963 Esso June Rally, go up against Rally Greats like Trevor Gale and Erik Carlsson and show them what dust tastes like. Adrenaline Sun would be able to create a legacy as the greatest rally team in history.
Potential Issues: Each time our team jets into the past, we’ll be stranded in that time zone until a series of specific events occur. These events include but are not limited to; dealing with the awkwardness of my future mother’s romantic advances, setting up my parents at the prom and a well time lightning strike to recharge the time machine. Also, fixing the horrible future of dictatorship caused by tampering with the timeline.
written by Jamal Hall – Action Sports writer at Adrenaline Sun
