5 outrageous sports that otherwise will probably never appear on Adrenaline Sun
After my sudden epiphany at the Nassco Mud Dogs October Safari was published, Adrenaline Sun was bull-rushed by emails from every corner of the world. I haven’t checked them all, but so far I’ve won 7 green card lotteries, been cursed by 14 chain-letters (I hate forwarding those things) and a West Nigerian Sultan needs my bank and credit card information to aid him in an urgent matter.
Aside from spam and scams, we’ve received a lot of positive feedback from you Junkies out there, which was greatly appreciated. We’ve also gotten a few propositions for Adrenaline Sun to cover other new and exciting sports. I have no problem with this but it gets awkward when people start asking us to cover sports that don’t quite fall into our niche. Believe it or not, some people forget that Adrenalin Sun is an action sports website and it was recently brought to my attention that since we don’t have the words Action or Sports in our name, we could be easily be mistaken for a fraternity of mongoose wrestlers.
Remaining open-minded, I’m going to list some of the more outlandish sports suggestions that we have received and the pros and cons of hosting them. PS. I am not making any of this up, these are all REAL sports. I really don’t think I want my legacy to be the guy who presented the world with…
Chess Boxing
If the name didn’t spoil the surprise, this game is one part boxing, one part chess.
It's like Pacquiao vs. Mayweather... only Chess-ier
How it works:
A match consists of up to eleven alternating rounds of boxing and speed chess, beginning with a four minute chess round and followed by three minutes of boxing. Each player has a maximum of twelve minutes of chess for the whole match. Chess boxers can win by knockout, checkmate, if their opponent’s time limit expires or by judges’ decision.
Is this a TKO?
Why it SHOULD be on Adrenaline Sun
- It exercises both the mind and the body.
- It gives both boxers and chess players a fair chance at winning.
- The only more diverse single-sport experience I can remember is the Segway Paintball experiment.
Why it will NEVER be on Adrenaline Sun
- When I hear the word SPEED, to hear the word CHESS directly after is disappointing.
- We already have a pretty strong argument why boxing isn’t an action sport, and combining it with chess isn’t helping the case.
Bog snorkeling
Before you ask… Yes, this sport was invented in a bar.
How it works:
It is a timed event where competitors swim two laps in a water-filled trench that is cut through a peat bog. Competitors must wear snorkels and flippers, and are not allowed to use conventional swimming strokes, relying on flipper power alone.
As opposed to being towed by mosquito larvae.
Why it SHOULD be on Adrenaline Sun
- It’s simple, so anyone can participate.
- Extremely low start up costs (dig a waterhole and swim in it).
- It may encourage tourism, because just like with the Loch Ness Monster or Tay Zonday, there are things that people need to see to believe.
Why it will NEVER be on Adrenaline Sun
- After the initial shock and awe wears thin, I think most onlookers would leave after about 10 minutes and never return.
- The risk of athletes getting ringworm in their lungs is something that kind of takes me out of my comfort zone.
Mud Pit Belly Flop
The defining moment of the Red Neck Games... Seriously
How it works:
Just like the previous entries, the name leaves nothing to the imagination. Whoever makes the biggest splash in the mud pit wins the coveted beer can trophy.
Why it SHOULD be on Adrenaline Sun
- We can host it at the same venue that we used for Bog Swimming.
- Creating an event similar to the Red Neck Games has the potential for Adrenaline Sun to connect with a whole new audience.
- It would provide some pretty interesting Photo Armory Updates.
Why it will NEVER be on Adrenaline Sun
- We would probably lose credibility as a serious action sports site along with the respect of all the adrenaline Junkies out there.
- Although I can kind of understand the excitement in randomly jumping flat-out into a pool of dirt-water, I’m finding difficulty classing this as an actual sport.
Speaking of which….
Running of the Nudes
Since Adrenaline Sun prides ourselves as being a kid-friendly website…
Just imagine these people naked...Ohhhh Yeahhh!
How it works:
This is not even a sport. It’s a protest held by PETA against Bullfighting in Spain. As with many things associated with PETA, it uses human nudity to hammer home their point. Whether anyone takes them seriously is still up for debate.
PETA has however expressed NO qualms with "Bald Bull" Fighting
Why it SHOULD be on Adrenaline Sun
- Supporting a positive cause always looks good in the eyes of sponsors.
- It should provide EVEN MORE interesting Photo Armory Updates.
- Hmmmm, maybe I should hold a Naked March for Chefette’s Wing Dings to be available all year round.
Why it will NEVER be on Adrenaline Sun
- These types of sensational/extreme forms of protests are not really accepted in this part of the world and everyone involved will be arrested.
- I would never be able to look any of you directly in the eyes again.
Buzkashi
You'll be looking at this picture again very shortly
How it works:
Buzkashi is a form of horseback polo that is played in Afghanistan. The only difference is that matches can last for days… Oh yeah, and instead of a ball, they use the decapitated carcass of a goat, calf… or whatever.
Pictured Here: An Afghani Sports Supplies Store
Why it SHOULD be on Adrenaline Sun
- It can stimulate tourism by creating a new niche market in the Caribbean.
- It fulfills nearly all of the requirements for being an action sport… it’s dangerous, there’s an element of freestye and it’s got WTF written all over it.
Why it will NEVER be on Adrenaline Sun
- Adrenaline Sun will be racking up fines by the minute from the many, many, many health code violations that will be broken during each match.
- PETA would probably do a naked march against us.
- There are some lines that I am just not willing to cross… riding hands-free while flinging around the lifeless body of an innocent, baby goat is one of them.
Written by Jamal Hall – Action Sports Editor for Adrenaline Sun
